Hand Model of the Brain [Dan Siegel]

Learning about the basics of the brain has propelled my relational wisdom and knowledge. Dan Siegel has been one of my main teachers via books, seminars, videos and articles.  He has some videos on YouTube that have proven tremendously helpful.  This short video describing some basic functions of the brain and how we “flip our lid” and can do something about it to calm ourselves down.  Watch this short video and share how you can imagine this being helpful to you in your relationships.  (FYI – Sungshim and I have taught this to our children when they were 4 years old.  If they can learn it so can you.  🙂



I encourage people to reflect on a few questions.

  • What stands out to you?
  • What do you think will be helpful in your relationships?
  • How can you imagine this would help you grow spiritually?

Shalom My Body

 I have taught people about the importance of slowing down and calming yourself down when you notice that you are upset.  I ask people to brainstorm ways that help them to calm their bodies down.  And, I think many people come up with good ideas.  Some come up with not-so-good ideas.  This process call Shalom My Body was something put together by Jim Wilder greatly influenced by Karl Lehman.  I have found this process truly helpful in creating a shift from some form of “upset” to a much more calm state in a fairly brief amount of time.  Much quicker than other options I’ve tried.

I have found that when people are willing to try something new transformation can more readily flow.  Especially if the “new thing” comes recommended by someone you trust and they report positive results.  Of course, I also believe that you should test these things for yourself.  Do not just take my word for it, try it out for a period of time and check the results.

Jim Wilder demonstrating “Shalom My Body”

I welcome your thoughts and actually I appreciate them.  You help me make this a better place and provide me valuable information through your sharing.


Feeling Appreciation Daily – Worksheet

z1 + z2 at fountain

Learning what is necessary for any person to place themselves in a state of mind (brain) to perceive others, including God, relationally is vital to experience peace and love (growth too).  This simple worksheet helps to prime our brains so that we can be in a state of mind to perceive God’s presence as well as other people as relational resources.

Download the worksheet here.

Feeling Appreciation Daily (Appreciation + Interactive seats) [Marriage Retreat 2014]


From now on, brothers and sisters, if anything is excellent and if anything is admirable, focus your thoughts on these things: all that is true, all that is holy, all that is just, all that is pure, all that is lovely, and all that is worthy of praise. (Phil 4:8)

We can train ourselves to focus our hearts and minds.  Would you like to learn how to pay attention in such a way that builds up your marriage, family and friends?


We have 60+ couples from our church, YNCC, attending a Marriage Day Retreat on Oct 4.  A few months ago the Spirit of the Lord seemed to have put on my heart that this will be a special day for all who attend.  I’ve been praying and preparing for this day together.

I sent an email today to all the couples and plan on posting the videos and worksheets I shared in the email here so it is easy to find.

In preparing for the retreat I asked the couples to watch 2 Gottman Videos.
I encouraged each couple to watch these and reflect on them together.

John Gottman: The Magic Relationship Ratio

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by John Gottman [9:58]

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by Dr. John Gottman that can predict relationship disaster and even physical illness and disease are: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, & Stonewalling. Dr. Gottman offers ways of healing conflict.

Marriage Missions – One of my favorite resources to share with couples

People often ask me for a good website to search for articles or videos on Marriage.  This is one of my first go to websites.

Here is what I share in an email to couples.  I hope you are encouraged to do likewise.

Marriage Missions


  • Check out website and become familiar with
  • Find 2 articles that inspire you to grow in your relationship
  • Discuss what you learned and how this will help you in your relationship
  • Email me your reflections.
  • Reflecting and sharing is key to learning and growing.
  • Any questions feel free to ask me.

Below is their Mission Statement & Clarifying Phrase.  (I’ve never heard of that before 🙂

Marriage Missions



Marriage Missions International exists to inspire, encourage, and equip those who are married and those who are preparing for marriage, by providing practical, Biblical resources through e-mail, our web site, teaching and one-on-one opportunities, revealing the heart of Christ within marriage, so they are better able to:

“Be imitators of God as dearly beloved children and to live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”(Ephesians 5:1-2)


Revealing the HEART OF CHRIST within marriage throughout the world.